a glimpse

when you get the smallest glimpse of why God put you where you are...it's crazy.

i just read 'from brokenness to community' and my eyes are opened even more. it's just cool to look at a few months ago and the time leading up to where i am now, and to see how God prepared me and how i got here.

i am doing a lesson on accepting people for devos one morning. accepting people is one thing i felt i was no good at, and as i prepared the lesson, i felt even more inadequate. but then God allowed me to meet a gal, at my ministry, who gave me this book, and it talks all about accepting people. i will write more about it later because i am still processing...

'there are my own fears and anguish, the fear of being devalued or pushed aside, the fear of opening up my heart and of being vulnerable or of feeling helpless in front of others in pain; there is the pain and brokenness of my own heart...the important thing is to become conscious of those forces in us and to work at being liberated from them and to discover that the worst enemy is inside our own hearts not outside!'

this whole coming to the city, 'serving', helping (fixing) people...why am i doing it? is it to make myself feel good? yes. am i making myself higher than 'them', thinking that i have it all together, that i have all the answers? yes. have i turned from 'them' and 'us' to 'we?' no. i am just like 'them.' the only difference may be that i have more stuff. God is working, breaking down walls of pride and self-sufficiency.

hmmm....im getting in too deep at the moment, gotta get ready to deliver stuff for SUNDAY!!! more to come.

'from brokenness to community' -jean vanier