you know you are a servant, when you are treated like one....

so. the first week of mission indy has come to a close. it was fantatic, challenging, tiring, and so fun! :] [[we made it through one week! ]]

i never expected for God to open my eyes to so many things...or teach me so many things.

i am realizing that the person i think i am, is not who i am at all. i led the devotional on accepting others this week and as i was preparing, i felt so inadequate, because i don't accept people. i think i do, i act like i do, i tell other people how important it is, but there are so many times that i just judge people, and don't accept them. i have allowed myself to become too prideful, to think that i have everything together, and i don't. and it is HARD to realize that...because we want to be perfect, we want to have 'everything together,' we don't want to seem weak. we want to be self-sufficient. but oh, how we need Jesus. I need Him desperately. i know i couldn't have done this week without Him and i can't process all i'm learning without Him.

the youth pastor of the group i was working with for VBS said in their debriefing time...are you a lion tamer, or a lion chaser? do you tame or chase? so i thought about it, do i actively look for opportunities, am i intentional (i talk ALOT about how important it is to be intentional, but do i actually do it?), or do i just sit around and wait for things to come? i was talking with another intern this week about what we were learning (God is ruining all of our lives by the way :] )and how we get information and think about how we can use it in the future...once MI is over, how will i change at school? then she said, why am i not doing it here? because if i can't take what i learned today, and apply it today, then how will i be able to apply it tomorrow, or in the future. i need to stop making excuses for why i'm not being intentional, and just do it. i need to accept my neighbor, love others, serve others...now.

during that same debriefing time, the youth pastor's wife shared what she had been thinking about in regards to worship-singing time. she wondered if Jesus was in the room as we are singing our songs, would we be standing still, arms at our sides? interesting to think about...which leads to my next thought.

why do we do what we do? why do we serve? i know i mentioned it in a previous post...but seriously, why? who am i trying to please? is God in everything i do, everything i think, every action, every thought?

then thursday came. and a former MI intern spoke. 'you know you are a servant, when you are treated like one.' what? i like this quote so much, but someone brought up the point, what if i am never treated like a servant. she spoke sharing and asked what holds us back from sharing with one another...pride and fear. it comes back to being intentional... and transparent. in urban, cook talked about 'white polite' and in the class and even in our discussions with the pastor at englewood (church MI is located in and church some of the host families attend) about how in the city, everything is in the open, but in suburbia, everyone hides behind a mask. there is such a dicotomy between the city and suburbia i feel like. there is hurt and pain in suburbia just like in the city, only its a different hurt and pain and it is dealt with in a very different way. what i love about the city is that people are so open and honest. people seem to genuinely care about one another. at englewood, it is clear to see the makings of what a community actually looks like. i am learning so much about community and what it means and what it looks like...and for me, i see it so much more clearly in the city, where i am at right now...i don't know if i made sense...still thinking through this...

'from brokenness to community.' it is seriously one of the best books i have ever read and i got myself a copy and i was tranferring notes from the other book to my book and i was reading as i was copying..."Jesus came to bring the good news to the poor, not those who serve the poor! ...we can only truly experience the good news, in and through our own poverty, because the kingdom of God belongs to the poor, the poor in spirit, the poor who are crying out for love..."

Jesus is preaching right to me with this quote: "it seems clear that if someone is called to live with wounded people, he or she has to discover the presence of God there --that God is present in the poverty and wounds of thier hearts. God is not just present in their capacity to heal but rather in their need to be healed. We can only truly love people who are different, we can only discover that differnece is a treasure and not a threat, if in some way our hearts are beoming enfolded in the heart of the Father, if somehwere God is putting into our brooken hearts that love that is in God's own heart for each and every human being. For God is truly in love with people, and with every individual human being."

i am learning to discover that God is present...because too many times i get wrapped up in the pain and the hurt and the brokenness and get angry at God, and i MUST remember, that He is already there working, that His heart breaks even more than mine, and to rely on Him for strength.

wah. lots to think about....

the week:

sunday. got stuff set up, met the groups, had worship, played some great games.

monday. a long day of VBS planning. beautiful weather.

tuesday. first day of VBS. we planned for 45/50 kids, expected 40-ish and got 15 on the first day, which was a little disappointing, but still fun. we had a few older girls (11-13) and a few older boys (10-12), which i was not expecting. it was cool though because, we had 2 extra interns (megan m & megan b.) helpers because we did not have enough groups or work projects to have them at a site. so megan m. asked about having a class for the older girls. what a blessing! it was so cool to see God work it out. she was so great with the girls and if God had not put her at VBS this week, those girls may not have come back after the first day. and one of the guys from the church lead a group with the older boys, and the guys from our church group helped out too. megan b. rocked it with crafts ALL week. and tracy and joe's lessons were so great!

on the worksite. we scrapped ALL day

wednesday: more VBS. and Bazbeaux Pizza and some ultimate frisbee. amazing pizza. good fun. more scrapping.

thursday: was a rough day. stressful day at VBS...and it rained all day, so we were not able to go to the worksite. so we painted the inside of the sanctuary of the church. the same off-white color it already was....

friday. great last day of VBS. had a cook-out with the church. one group went to the house we had been working on in the morning and scrapped and primed the front. so after VBS we went to help out. we got the back primed...and scrapped more. and had a good night with the church groups.

...sleeping in tomorrow. mango for breakfast....

*i have given up on trying to write less...novels will have to do. :]